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The Desecrated Forest

I'm running through the forest of my fears
Destroying puny anthills on the way.
The green serenity stops capturing...It disappears...
Machine like steps keep hammering the silence that i lay.

The choking smoke of burning leaves
Keeps drying up the blood inside my veins.
The dirty pools reflect the desecrated trees,
A snail is crawling on the void it claims.

The blackened sky keeps angering a nonexistent god,
By mirroring itself in grinded flesh and hollow breath.
Demented sponge like creatures keep reaching for their mud
As they surrender quietly their death.

Forgefulness surrounds me and I kneel,
I'm watching smiling and i yell,
For i have seen the truth behind the veil...
Another vision of my hell.
...
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:iconangel-soul:
Angel-Soul Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2005  Professional Photographer
I love the imagery in this . I like it from the very first line . nice write :)
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:iconinsane-clownz:
INSANE-CLOWNZ Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2005
Again, loving the format and descriptiveness.

:heart:
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:iconzeroknight:
Zeroknight Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2005
great writing.....it is amazing
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:iconfalse-redeemer:
False-Redeemer Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2005
Interesting, your whole poem is tightly organised on a single metaphor. The metaphor of forest to your fears. And as it is destroyed, new fear arises. The quality of the language used is impressive. It's beautiful.
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:iconinfrunitas:
Infrunitas Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I've read some of your earlier works and must bow to your amazing growth as a writer. From small touches with a brush to detailed murals decorating great rooms is how your work opens to my eyes. I fear though, I lose a little of the flow with this poem. You wrap your ideas around in multi-lined stanzas...

Perhaps (an example):

The choking smoke of burning leaves
keep() drying up the blood inside my veins (drying up=evaporates)
The dirty pools reflect the desecrated trees,
A snail is crawling on the void it claims. ("The dirty pools reflect the desecrated trees,/as a snail crawls on the void it claims")


~If I didn't offend you with my offer, I hope that I could be of further service to your exquisite and imaginative poetry. Also, I mean no disrespect with my aid, just trying to further the already powerful meaning behind the poem by not letting punctuation steal away the flow of the poem. Take care and good hunting!
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:iconinfrunitas:
Infrunitas Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
interesting, I can't wait to read more. And best to your new techique.
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:iconpoetry-of-hate:
poetry-of-hate Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2005
many thanks my friend for your insightful comment,there is indeed a break in the flow of this poem,but not quite where you spotted it,each stanza is written almost as a standalone poem and although they follow the same meter the number of syllables differs,this is a new technique that i'm trying made to enhance certain parts of a poem.

Best regrads,George
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:iconnocturnal-jester:
Nocturnal-Jester Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2004
great poem.. good writing...
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:iconmurderousintentions:
murderousintentions Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2004
WHOA!!!! Being somewhat of a poet my self this is emaculet!!! Your style is soo ryhthmical and it all flows!!! this is gr8 and im faving it!:P keep em coming!
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:iconflaery:
flaery Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2004  Hobbyist General Artist
It's almost like a dream/nightmare . . . I like the descriptions in this. :)
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:iconcatgirl-luna:
Catgirl-Luna Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2004
This is really good, The whole third verse is excellent, very discriptive. The entire poem is excellent. ^^ Very nice job.
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December 16, 2004
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